he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
