i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
