i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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