Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize