you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
