Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My penis needs a shock collar
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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