If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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