i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
