You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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