you guys were way drunker than both of me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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