No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
