I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize