so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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