The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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