All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
