i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
