Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
