i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
