Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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