What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
