k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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