I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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