the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
