I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
