Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
