How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
