i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize