Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
