3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
