I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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