Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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