he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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