Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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