She just used a chaser for red wine.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
