need another drink. this is the easiest way
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
