walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
