She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
