This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
