i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
