Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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