Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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