New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
