The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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