if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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