I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
