Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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