i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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