your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
