Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
