In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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