you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
