So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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