my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
