I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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