my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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