Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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