I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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