i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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