3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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