theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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