But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
