Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
