Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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