come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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