What did we do last night that was yellow?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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