The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
