I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
