the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
