I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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